Some Thoughts on Cupcakes

What's the deal with cupcakes?

They've certainly been a hot little thing for the past couple of years. I'm not exactly sure what or who launched this trend ... apparently "Sex and the City" had something to do with it? Carrie Bradshaw, taking breaks from typing absolutely ridiculous hypothetical questions into her iBook (or did she have a PowerBook?) in her sprawling Manhattan abode, calling up her quirky friends and marching down to Magnolia Bakery to mack on some cupcakes. Was the cupcake trend full-blown when Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell unleashed "Lazy Sunday" that fateful Saturday night? They love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.

But I digress. The thing is, I'm more of a savory person. My favorite meals and preferred snacks usually have a salty, spicy or umami thing going on. I love steak, potatoes, pasta, butter, cheese and popcorn. I have nothing against dessert, really, but I rarely bother with it. I'd rather order a greasy appetizer or an extra side dish in lieu of saving room for something described on the menu as "sinful" and served with more than one spoon.

However, when I moved to L.A., I couldn't help but notice all the boutique bakeries and the lavish praise they garnered for their cupcakes ... especially in Beverly Hills, just around the corner from where I worked. I had to know what all the fuss was about.

The cupcake works for me. I don't crave them, and I'm not sure they're worth standing in line for, but I appreciate them. I dig the individual portion size; the taste of thick, sugar-saturated cream mingling with moist, crumbly cake.

And now. Now. Now I am in New York Bloody Fucking City, the world's cupcake shenanigans headquarters, or something. So yes. Yes. Now. Here I am. And these are my thoughts.

LOLkat. (Get it?!) Erm, I didn't have any photos featuring me actually consuming cupcakes. Moving on.

CRUMBS BAKE SHOP.

The first time I ever had Crumbs was in Beverly Hills. Crumbs was on Santa Monica Boulevard, just a block away from the ultra-mega-hip cupcakery Sprinkles. There was an insane line for Sprinkles, and — like I've said — I am not a person possessed by cupcakes, so I ambled down the street to Crumbs, where the line was much more manageable. Turns out Crumbs is everywhere. Beverly Hills. New York City. Stamford. Probably even somewhere in the good ol' Midwest.

Cupcakes from Crumbs are huge, and I think that may be their downfall. Don't get me wrong — they are not inedible by any means. They do have the most creative toppings, and they always have a blob of chocolate, fruit jelly or cream in the center, which is delightful. But I've had several cupcakes from Crumbs that were a bit too dry, and sometimes the icing was almost stale-tasting. I also don't think it's necessary for the cupcakes to be quite so gigantic. Crumbs should scale down the size and focus on staying moist (that's what she said? Ewww).

MAGNOLIA BAKERY.

When I moved to L.A., people asked me if I saw celebrities. (And yes, I did. Fairly frequently.) When I moved to New York, people asked me if I'd gone to Magnolia yet.

Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell mentioned that this bakery had all the bomb frostings, but I'm not sure that I'm inclined to agree with them. Maybe if you're really into frosting this could float your boat, but it was so sweet it made my teeth ache after just two bites. It was like I could feel cavities forming. Excellent presentation though, as you can see. Very seasonal. And all those toppings were edible, save for those larger broom-toting snowmen. Alas! They were plastic.

The actual cake part was pretty phenomenal. Sweet, light and very moist. Maybe I'll just scrape off some of the frosting next time.

BILLY'S BAKERY.

I came across Billy's when I did a Google search for cupcakes within walking distance of my place of employment. They have two locations in Manhattan; a Chelsea spot is apparently their flagship, but there was also a TriBeCa location that was perfect for me. I waltzed up Broadway to check it out.

Turns out Billy makes a damn fine cupcake. A simple, classic cake that was neither too large or too dry, topped with buttercream icing that didn't make my molars ache. There was a nice dusting of jimmies to seal the deal. They were also selling some fantastic-looking slices of cake.

I'd say "until next time" at this point, but I think I've had my fill of cupcakes for awhile. Maybe I should start reviewing hot dog vendors.