30 December 2009

Trust Buster!

I feel like I should write some succinct summary of the holidays, my plans for 2010 or some kind of year-end review of the books I've read or the movies I saw.

But I really don't feel like that. I feel like writing about Theodore Roosevelt ... THE BEST PRESIDENT EVERRRRR.


 THE HERO OF SAN JUAN HILL!

I was never really into U.S. history. I can't recant the details of all the wars or list the presidents in order. But Theodore Roosevelt is just so incredible that I can't even deal with it.

SERIOUSLY...
  • He had a mustache and looked like a friendly walrus.
  • Reading and writing were among his favorite hobbies.
  • He didn't like being called Teddy, which is rad, because Teddy is a stupid name.
  • But on that note, the whole thing about not shooting the bear ... you know the story ... he considered it "unsportsmanlike" because the bear was already tied up. So yeah, he was morally awesome. But he still liked shooting animals, which is badass.
  • He was all sickly as a child, but exercised vigorously and built up his stamina until he was healthy. So basically he just kicked weakness's ass.
  • He went on African safaris and expeditions to South America. Like I said ... badass.
  • He was a Rough Rider! And he was awarded the Medal of Honor for leading the charge at San Juan Hill in Cuba.
  • He started the U.S. National Parks Service, which is apparently "America's best idea." More like T.R.'S BEST IDEA, AMIRITE?!
  • Oh yeah, he had all these sweet nicknames: T.R., Trust Buster, the Bull Moose and tons of others.
  • You know Maxwell House's slogan, "good to the last drop"? HE COINED THAT. Holy shit.
  • He had a menagerie of pets, including exotic mammals like hyenas.
  • He was the first president to be given the Nobel Peace Prize. He got the award for mediating the Russo-Japanese War. He also apparently said that his biggest regret was that he was not president during wartime. So, war = bad, but also good. Adventure! Contradictions!
  • His favorite foods were fried chicken, roast beef, grits and meat from the animals he killed. Some historians believe he drank nearly a gallon of coffee each day. Fabulous.
  • In Milwaukee, he was about to give a speech and someone SHOT HIM IN THE CHEST at close range. He was all "IT TAKES MORE THAN THAT TO KILL A BULL MOOSE!" and gave his speech anyway. He didn't even go to the hospital until over an hour later. BADASS.
  • Oh, and when he ran on a third-party (the Bull Moose Party) ticket, he garnered a larger portion of the popular vote than any other third-party presidential candidate in U.S. history.
  • He said all kinds of wise and iconic things, like "speak softly and carry a big stick" and "do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
My favorite maker of comics, the talented and hilarious Kate Beaton, has depicted good ol' T.R. once or twice. She pretty much sums up everything that's incredible about him.

Man oh man. I love you, T.R. Happy New Year.

16 December 2009

Some Thoughts on Cupcakes

What's the deal with cupcakes?

They've certainly been a hot little thing for the past couple of years. I'm not exactly sure what or who launched this trend ... apparently "Sex and the City" had something to do with it? Carrie Bradshaw, taking breaks from typing absolutely ridiculous hypothetical questions into her iBook (or did she have a PowerBook?) in her sprawling Manhattan abode, calling up her quirky friends and marching down to Magnolia Bakery to mack on some cupcakes. Was the cupcake trend full-blown when Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell unleashed "Lazy Sunday" that fateful Saturday night? They love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling.

But I digress. The thing is, I'm more of a savory person. My favorite meals and preferred snacks usually have a salty, spicy or umami thing going on. I love steak, potatoes, pasta, butter, cheese and popcorn. I have nothing against dessert, really, but I rarely bother with it. I'd rather order a greasy appetizer or an extra side dish in lieu of saving room for something described on the menu as "sinful" and served with more than one spoon.

However, when I moved to L.A., I couldn't help but notice all the boutique bakeries and the lavish praise they garnered for their cupcakes ... especially in Beverly Hills, just around the corner from where I worked. I had to know what all the fuss was about.

The cupcake works for me. I don't crave them, and I'm not sure they're worth standing in line for, but I appreciate them. I dig the individual portion size; the taste of thick, sugar-saturated cream mingling with moist, crumbly cake.

And now. Now. Now I am in New York Bloody Fucking City, the world's cupcake shenanigans headquarters, or something. So yes. Yes. Now. Here I am. And these are my thoughts.


LOLkat. (Get it?!) Erm, I didn't have any photos featuring me actually consuming cupcakes. Moving on.


CRUMBS BAKE SHOP.

The first time I ever had Crumbs was in Beverly Hills. Crumbs was on Santa Monica Boulevard, just a block away from the ultra-mega-hip cupcakery Sprinkles. There was an insane line for Sprinkles, and — like I've said — I am not a person possessed by cupcakes, so I ambled down the street to Crumbs, where the line was much more manageable. Turns out Crumbs is everywhere. Beverly Hills. New York City. Stamford. Probably even somewhere in the good ol' Midwest.

Cupcakes from Crumbs are huge, and I think that may be their downfall. Don't get me wrong — they are not inedible by any means. They do have the most creative toppings, and they always have a blob of chocolate, fruit jelly or cream in the center, which is delightful. But I've had several cupcakes from Crumbs that were a bit too dry, and sometimes the icing was almost stale-tasting. I also don't think it's necessary for the cupcakes to be quite so gigantic. Crumbs should scale down the size and focus on staying moist (that's what she said? Ewww).


MAGNOLIA BAKERY.

When I moved to L.A., people asked me if I saw celebrities. (And yes, I did. Fairly frequently.) When I moved to New York, people asked me if I'd gone to Magnolia yet.

Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell mentioned that this bakery had all the bomb frostings, but I'm not sure that I'm inclined to agree with them. Maybe if you're really into frosting this could float your boat, but it was so sweet it made my teeth ache after just two bites. It was like I could feel cavities forming. Excellent presentation though, as you can see. Very seasonal. And all those toppings were edible, save for those larger broom-toting snowmen. Alas! They were plastic.

The actual cake part was pretty phenomenal. Sweet, light and very moist. Maybe I'll just scrape off some of the frosting next time.


BILLY'S BAKERY.

I came across Billy's when I did a Google search for cupcakes within walking distance of my place of employment. They have two locations in Manhattan; a Chelsea spot is apparently their flagship, but there was also a TriBeCa location that was perfect for me. I waltzed up Broadway to check it out.

Turns out Billy makes a damn fine cupcake. A simple, classic cake that was neither too large or too dry, topped with buttercream icing that didn't make my molars ache. There was a nice dusting of jimmies to seal the deal. They were also selling some fantastic-looking slices of cake.

I'd say "until next time" at this point, but I think I've had my fill of cupcakes for awhile. Maybe I should start reviewing hot dog vendors.

15 December 2009

I Want to Go to There

Oh dear oh dear. Whither goest thou, December?

I didn't start this month on the best note. I succumbed to some kind of horrible malady ... I'm not sure if it was the flu, the swine flu or some other wretched virus, but it was certainly unpleasant.

Once I felt better, I decided I needed some holiday cheer. The weather's been all over the place during this first two weeks of December — everything from a bitter 18 degrees to a balmy 65. No consistent cold weather + no snow + no car playing holiday tunes on the radio + no room for a tree in my apartment = I keep forgetting it's nearly Christmas.

 
So I went to 30 Rock.

 
Tree! Ice skaters! New York City landmark!

 
Such a lovely little winter picture.

 
Of course, Radio City Music Hall was right around the corner, looking terribly festive as well.

The night after my Rockefeller Center sojourn, I set out to do some errands in my neighborhood and got caught in a sudden rainstorm. I sought temporary shelter in one of my favorite bars, The Lucky Dog. I made small talk with the 10 or so other patrons and occasionally plugged the jukebox with quarters so I could have Of Montreal accompany my beer.

After "Gronlandic Edit" finished playing, the bar fell eerily silent. It was as if everyone's conversations had just concluded along with the song, and there was no money left in the jukebox. Suddenly, someone at the end of the bar yelled, "HEY! IT'S SNOWING!"

Everyone's head snapped up and we all turned in unison toward the door. Huge white flakes had indeed replaced the cold December rain. A murmur of excitement made its way down the bar and led to a few sincere whoops of pleasure. With a Cheshire grin on my face, I downed the rest of my drink, queued up the holiday playlist on my iPod, slipped on my headphones and set out in the snow for home.